Friday, November 20, 2009

All Hail the Release of New Moon!

Attention all Twilight... haters. As you may or may not know, the second movie in the series in out tonight. And in honor of that I have collected these un-tributes for those of us who suffer from Bile Fascination caused by this book series.

Having read the first three books in the series, I am informed enough to know that this series is garbage. Jacob Black was a great character. Edward Cullen was a Mary Sue. This book has in me the strange effect that I've already mentioned, Bile Fascination. Follow the link for more info.

And here are the un-tributes. I'll explain my own feeling about Twilight after the tributes.

The Emo Vampire Song
Edward Cullen meets Sherlock Holmes
Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Edward Cullen
Edward Cullen meets Dracula

I've told you a bit about my opinion of Twilight before, and now I think it ruined an entire genre of monsters. One day at the library I decided to check out the first book, and it was a somewhat decent book. The only problem was Edward, who except for the fact he wanted to kill was Bella, was perfect in every other way. Then there was New Moon, which do to Jacob Black, was fantastic. Jacob is a very cool character.

Then there was Eclipse, and for me that's where everything went sour. Edward comes back to Forks (It really is a darn shame the Volturi didn't kill him) and immediately tries to keep Bella from seeing Jacob anymore, because he claims young werewolves are dangerous. (And vampires aren't?) The irony in the whole situation is that in New Moon, Bella was liable to be killed by an evil vampire who was after her. Guess who prevented that? Yeah, the aforementioned 'dangerous werewolves.' So while Edward was in Florida being a self-made martyr, Jacob was keeping Bella from being killed. How's that for irony?

I can't wait to read Breaking Dawn. Yes, I do plan to read it someday. Enjoy the movie. As for me, I'll wait for the parody.

- T.A.R.N.S.

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