Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!!

Well, the Monster Profiles got cut short this year by the fact that there's an election in two days, but that's alright. It's Halloween tonight, so let's do some Halloween music!!

Mannheim Steamroller - Rock and Roll Graveyard

Of course, you just can't have Halloween without the Monster Mash

And for me personally, it's just not Halloween without Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London:

Happy Halloween!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Tea Party's 2010 theme Song

I nominate this song for our theme song this year, and for anyone else out there that hates what's happening to this country.

Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It

Come on, you can't tell me that this song does not fit the country's mood.


oh we're not gonna take it
no, we ain't gonna take it
oh we're not gonna
take it anymore

we've got the right to choose and
there ain't no way we'll lose it
this is our life, this is our song
we'll fight the powers that be just,
don't pick our destiny 'cause
you don't know us, you don't belong

oh we're not gonna take it
no, we ain't gonna take it
oh we're not gonna take it anymore

oh you're so condescending
your gall is never ending
we don't want nothin', not a thing from you
your life is trite and jaded
boring and confuscated
if that's your best, your best won't do

we're right/yeah
we're free/yeah
we'll fight/yeah
you'll see/yeah

oh we're not gonna take it
no, we ain't gonna take it
oh we're not gonna take it anymore

oh we're not gonna take it
no, we ain't gonna take it
oh we're not gonna take it anymore
no way!

we're right/yeah
we're free/yeah
we'll fight/yeah
you'll see/yeah

we're not gonna take it
no, we ain't gonna take it
we're not gonna take it anymore

we're not gonna take it, no!
no, we ain't gonna take it
we're not gonna take it anymore

just you try and make us

we're not gonna take it
come on
no, we ain't gonna take it
you're all worthless and weak
we're not gonna take it anymore
now drop and give me twenty
we're not gonna take it
A Pledge pin
no, we ain't gonna take it
On your uniform
we're not gonna take it anymore

Lyrics from Sing

Vote out the Democrats on November 2nd!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dust in the Wind

We are taking a break from the Monster Profiles because as of today, there is only one week left before the election. Conservatives, right-wingers, Republicans, and everyone who wants to see this country come back from the brink of destruction THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO LOSE YOUR NERVE. This week is expected to be a disaster of epic proportion. Don't put one thing past the Democrats. They are going to do their darnedest to kink up everything about this election. they have already started.

- The Ninth Jerk-it Court of Shmiels Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned Arizona I.D. laws that require voters to present a photo I.D. before they vote. (Can't infringe on those illegal Mexicans and their right to vote now, can we?)

-Voters in Nevada have found that went they went to vote, they found their ballots were mysteriously pre-marked in favor of Harry Reid.

And that is presumably only the tip of what I expect to be very, very dirty iceberg. Dems have final read the writing on the wall and realized that America in general is furious about what's been going on in the District of Corruption.

But some time ago, a song was suggested to me as a good theme song for the Democrats in this election, and after listening to it, I had to agree. Here:

Kansas - Dust in the Wind


I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see

Dust in the wind,
All we are is dust in the wind

Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, Everything is dust in the wind
Lyrics from sing

The Democrats are going to try and use their money to buy more time. Don't let them. cast your vote! Let's take America back from the Democrat party!

Vote on November 2nd!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Monstrous Profiles # 5 - The Baykok

If anyone has suggestions for a creature for Monstrous Profiles, I'm interested in hearing them. But in the meantime, onto number 5 - the Baykok.

The hunter walked slowly through the woods, careful not to make any sound that could alert his prey to his presence. He carefully approached a deer that was eating leaves of the trees, drawing out his bow and fitting an arrow to it. As he prepared to fire, he heard a rattling noise, then suddenly something struck him upside the he head and he collapsed, unconscious.

Next to him the figure of a skeleton holding a club let out a shrill cry and settled down to eat it's meal.

Name: Baykok, Bakaak, Bakuck, Paguk, and several others
Location: Great Lakes region

The baykok, like the Wendigo, is a creature of Chippewa mythology. Like the Wendigo, it's also something you never, ever want to bump into.

This creature is an emacipated, skeleton-like figure with red eyes and translucent skin. It flies through the forest sekking victims. Unlike the Wendigo, however, this creature only has one specific type of human prey.

From Monstropedia:
The Baykok only preys upon warriors, but does so ruthlessly, using invisible arrows or beating its prey to death with a club. The Baykok, after paralyzing or killing its prey, then devours the liver of its victim.

The Baykok is a hunter, stalking and killing human prey without a hint of guilt or remorse. However, this ghoulish creature never appears to more than one individual at a time, and only preys upon hunters and warriors. The Baykok prefers to hunt at
night, moving silently through the brush and the darkness in search of lone individuals.

It is said that the only way to sense an impending attack is by hearing the popping and creaking sounds made by the creature’s bones, and even sensing the threat is no guarantee of survival. Although the Baykok occasionally uses a heavy war club to bludgeon its victims to death, the creature prefers a bow that fires invisible arrows, which are tipped with a poison that induces a deep, dreamless sleep in those hit by the arrows. In this state (which lasts several hours), the unfortunate victim cannot feel any pain. All the better for the Baykok, as it can now feast…

Before it eats, the Baykok unsheathes a small silver knife, and slices open the victim’s abdomen. The revenant then thrusts in its bony hand, removes the liver, and greedily consumes the organ. After dining, the Baykok shoves a rock into the empty
cavity, and finishes by sewing the wound shut with a magic thread that heals any and all superficial signs of the incision.

The unsuspecting victim then wakes up the next morning in the middle of the woods, most often with no recollection of their encounter with the ghoulish Baykok. Surprisingly, the unfortunate individual often lives for days or even weeks without any adverse side effects, despite having unknowingly lost a vital organ. Then the victim suddenly becomes violently sick, inevitably wasting away and dying. There are no exceptions.

Fortunately, the Baykok never willingly approaches a human civilization, as the creature itself is extremely reluctant to leave the safety of the forest. The Baykok knows its forest domain better than a seasoned woodsman, using this knowledge to set ambushes, to track prey without being detected in turn, and to escape those that may be hunting it.

The Baykok inhabits the forest territories of the Great Lakes, especially if these places were once inhabited by the Chippewa.
Yikes. There is one potential way of stopping the monster from making a snack out of you:

One of the most horrifying aspects of the Baykok is that the creature has no known weaknesses. Holy water, religious icons, and perhaps even blessed weapons have no effect on this revenant. However, like most of the corporeal Undead, the Baykok may have some sort of susceptibility to fire. And, since this revenant is little more than a dried-up skeleton, some sort of bludgeoning attack is advisable if a fight is unavoidable (use the creature’s own war club for this, if necessary).

Since the Baykok is clinically dead, one cannot actually kill the creature. However, despite what the legends say, there may be a way to destroy it. It may be necessary to hunt down the Baykok to its lair deep in the forest, confront it, and break its brittle bones to splinters with a heavy bludgeon (a mace works best). Then, the remains should be gathered up and placed in a pile of dry wood, and then thoroughly soaked in gasoline or lighter fluid. Then, a lit match should be thrown onto the pile, igniting it. The fire should be constantly fed until nothing remains of the Baykok except for ashes. If luck holds out, this should permanently destroy the creature and prevent it from ever rising again. However, be aware that this is only a theory, and has never
actually been tested.
Your best bet when it comes to this monster is to just stay out of the woods after dark, and if you do go in, be sure and take someone with you, since it won't attack if you're not alone.

And if you hunt, and by chance find yourself alone in the woods this Halloween, be very, very careful.

Because that popping noise you hear behind you, that might just be a hungry Baykok.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Monstrous Profiles # 4 - The Ahuizotl

Guess what!? It's Halloween time again, which means it's time for more Monstrous Profiles! Let's get going.

The canoe slid neatly through water; overhanging tree branches occasionally brushing the occupants of the canoe. The hunters in the canoes stayed quiet as the boat came to rest on the shoal. Two of them jumped out and dragged the boat up onto the shoal, where they decided to leave it sit for the night.

As they unloaded their prey and prepared to head back to the village, one of the hunters heard the sound of a small child crying, and turned to go see where the lost child was. his companions watched as he moved closer to the edge of the riverbank, where the sound was loudest.

he peered down into the water, and his companions watched in horror as a hand reached out of the water and pulled him in.

Three days later the man's body was found floating in the river, missing the eyes, teeth, and fingernails.

Another victim of the Ahuizotl.

Name: Ahuizotl
Location: Central Mexico (Mesoamerica)

The Ahuizotl is a creature in Aztec mythology that was said to look like an otter with monkey-like hands and an additional hand on the end of it's tail. Its main habitat is near water, and it's favorite food is humans.

To lure humans to their untimely demise, it makes a cry that sounds like the cry of a small child. And if you go to see why this 'child' is crying and you get too close to the water, then the ahuizotl grabs with the hand on the end of its tail and drags you down into the water.

When your body floats back up to the surface a few days later, it will be missing the eyes, fingernails, teeth, and toenails.

This creature was described in the Florentine Codex; a set of books on Aztec life before the arrival of the Spanish Conquerors. According to Wikipedia, in the book, it is described as

"...very like the teui, the small teui dog; small and smooth, shiny. It has small, pointed ears, just like a small dog. It is black, like rubber; smooth, slippery, very smooth, longtailed. And its tail is provided with a hand at the end; just like a human hand is the point of its tail. And its hands are like a raccoon's hands or like a monkey's hands. It lives, it is a dweller in watery caverns, in watery depths. And if anyone arrives there at its entrance, or there in the water where it is, it then grabs him there. It is said that it sinks him, it plunges him into the water; it carries him to its home, it introduces him to the depths; so its tail goes holding him, so it goes seizing him ... [When the body is retrieved] the one it has drowned no longer has his eyes, his teeth, and his nails; it has taken them all from him. But his body is completely unblemished, his skin uninjured. Only his body comes out all slippery-wet; as if one had pounded it with a stone; as if it had inflicted small bruises ... When it was annoyed - had caught no one, had drowned none of us commoners - then was heard as if a small child wept. And he who heard it thought perhaps a child wept, perhaps a baby, perhaps an abandoned one. Moved by this, he went there to look for it. So there he fell into the hands of the auĂ­tzotl, there it drowned him..."

So if perchance this Halloween, you hear the sound of a child crying near a river, approach with extreme caution.

Because whatever's down there might be waiting to pull you in.