Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm a Terrorist!

Who'da thunk?

Anyway, here's the deal. The Department of Homeland Security has issued a report calling all sane, rational, patriotic Americans, in effect, terrorists. If you are against any of the following things, you are a now a right-wing extremist (List from Bare Naked Islam):

The Report specifically mentions the following political beliefs that law enforcement should use to determine whether someone is a “rightwing extremist”:

-Opposes restrictions on firearms
-Opposes lax immigration
-Opposes the policies of President Obama regarding immigration, citizenship and the
expansion of social programs
-Opposes continuation of free trade agreements
-Opposes same-sex marriage
-Has paranoia of foreign regimes
-Fear of Communist regimes
-Opposes one world government
-Bemoans the decline of U.S. stature in the world.
-Upset with loss of U.S. manufacturing jobs to China and India
-. . . and the list goes on

Do you see this? Do you see this? These people have violated almost every aspect of the U.S. Constitution. Right off the bat I can pick off that it violates the first and second amendments.

I fit most of the things on this list, therefore I am, if not a terrorist, at least a right-wing extremist. (I know this is the liberals doings. Barack Obama is a left-wing extremist, and they haven't issued a memorandum against him.)

Let's look at that list again:

[X] Opposes restrictions on firearms


[X] Opposes lax immigration


[X] [X] Opposes the policies of President Obama regarding immigration, citizenship and the expansion of social programs

Double check.

-Opposes continuation of free trade agreements

I don't know what that means, but if it's what I think it is (or if it involves any Communist country in any way), I'm against it.

[X] Opposes same-sex marriage


[X] Has paranoia of foreign regimes


[X] Fear of Communist regimes

Absolutely. Especially with the freakin' communist regime Obama's trying impose on me!

[X] Opposes one world government


[X] Bemoans the decline of U.S. stature in the world.

[X] Upset with loss of U.S. manufacturing jobs to China and India.

Check and check.

So, this is a hit list against Conservatives, violating the core principle of the Constitution of the United States. Here, I'll make it easy for you. This is what you should have said:

"To all law enforcement officers. Today is tax day; be on the lookout for tea partiers protesting the money The One has spent. He is the president, and he must not be questioned.

We expect these Conservatives and Tea baggers to be out in full force today, and they may get out of hand. [Ironically, I'd like to interrupt this fictitious narrative to point out that no one did. Except CNN.]

Protesting what the president is doing is a violation of federal law. Be prepared."

Or something like that. When, once again, ironically, protesting anything the government does is not a federal offense in this country!

Fortunately, this story has a somewhat happy ending. This Right-wing risk assessment was released because of the Tea parties, but not everyone the DHS's crap. Michelle Malkin reports:

Senators Coburn, Brownback, DeMint, Burr, Murkowski, Inhofe, and Vitter sent the following letter to DHS Secretary Napolitano yesterday concerning the DHS conservative hit job:

You can follow the link up there to get the whole letter. It's good stuff.

Well, I'm off to go off and be a terrorist proudly and patriotically support my country.


  1. Constitution, schmonstitution. It's just a scrap of paper, nothing more consequential than a napkin...

  2. Gee, 2cents, you kinda put me in a hole here, because I don't what to reply to this one.(Especially 'cause I know you're being sarcastic.)

    But whatever. I'm keeping my Constitution; I refuse to let the liberals take it. Anyway, thats for the comment. (Now watch me come up with a decent reponse after I submit this comment. @.@)