Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Global Warming. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Pass the Plastic Bags, Please

The spaz-tastic U.N. is back at it again:
Single-use plastic bags, a staple of American life, have got to go, the United Nations' top environmental official said Monday.

And if you look here, you'll see one good reason not to stop using plastic bags: Because the U.N. wants us too.
Although recycling bags is on the rise in the United States, an estimated 90 billion thin bags a year, most used to handle produce and groceries, go unrecycled. They were the second most common form of litter after cigarette butts at the 2008 International Coastal Cleanup Day sponsored by the Ocean Conservancy, a marine environmental group.

"Single use plastic bags which choke marine life, should be banned or phased out rapidly everywhere. There is simply zero justification for manufacturing them anymore, anywhere," said Achim Steiner, executive director of the U.N. Environment Programme. His office advises U.N. member states on environmental policies.

Why are we taking advice from the U.N.? These are the idiots who proclaimed global pandemic and chaos when the swine flu (No, I will not call it H1N1) was in and 150 people outside Mexico were sick.
The ban is already being tested in China, where retailers giving out thin bags can be fined up to $1,464. According to one nationwide survey, 40 billion fewer plastic bags were given out in grocery stores after the law's enactment. In addition, Ireland managed to cut single-use plastic bag consumption 90 percent by levying a fee on each bag that consumers use.

In the United States, only San Francisco has completely banned plastic bags. Los Angeles will do so in 2010. Also, Washington, D.C.'s city council is set to vote on a five-cent-a-bag tax later this month. On first reading, the bill passed unanimously. Similar proposals have failed in New York and Philadelphia.

Keith Christman, senior director for the plastics division of the American Chemistry Council, responded that the term "single-use" is misleading because most people actually reuse plastic bags, "for example, to line their trash cans."

I'm very glad to see that the ban failed outside the liberal state. And yes, I do reuse plastic bags. You know those little trash cans most people have in their bathrooms? Those plastic grocery bags work very well as liners for them.
"A ban on plastic bags could also cause some unintended consequences," he said. In particular, the increased demand for paper bags would double greenhouse emissions and create "a dramatic increase in waste," Christman said.

I love how, if given enough space, environmentalism will strangle itself out.
Leading U.S. plastic bag manufacturers aim to increase the recycled content of plastic bags to 40 percent by 2015, he added. That would reduce plastic waste by 300 million pounds a year.

Taking care of the planet is not a bad thing, but environmentalism is, as it puts the planet before people on the planet.

Not to mention that the U.n. can't do anything right to save anyone's life. Now we can see the new load of crap these people expect us to stomach.

I'll take 100 plastic bags, please.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Cow Conundrum

Hello all you happy people. Believe it or not, I was baking cookies when this idea came to me. I decided to come down here and type it up. It is fiction. If it has any resemblance to any person/place/thing/event, it wasn't on purpose, and there ain't nothin' I can do about it.


From the January 13th edition of the Doom-and-Gloom report:

It has been proven true: cows are the #1 cause of global warming.

"How can this be?" Ted Greenthum, head of CTWTWAGW (Campaign to Warn the World about Global Warming), raged. "How dare those cows have the GALL to have four stomachs? Don't they realize they're endangering everyone on this planet? How can they be so insensitive?"

When questioned about this, Bossy, the cow PR officer, responded with, "Moo."

"How dare they have to the gall to moo, stand there, and keep chewing their cud?" Greenthum was said to have nearly screamed. "We are demanding that people immediately stop eating beef!"

The President had reportedly asked the heads of the CTWTWAGW to calmly work with the leaders of the Anti-Global warming campaign to reach a suitable bipartisan agreement.

"I'm sure we can solve this easily." Bert Stand, head of Common Sense's Ltd., the anti-global warming organization, replied. "Let's all go down to McDonald's, we'll each order a couple 'a Big Macs, and we'll sit down and discuss this rationally."

This time, Greenthum was screaming. "How can you say that!?!" He responded. "We were just discussing how people shouldn't eat cows because it causes Global warming and will destroy the planet!"

Stand was said to have remained quiet for a moment, then replied, "But don't we have to eat the beef we already have? I mean, if we don't, then it will just decompose and add more Co2 to the Earth's atmosphere."

This discovery sent the CTWTWAGW into a frenzy. They immediately dispatched 32 1/2 scientist to affirm this discovery as quickly as possible.

"This is absolutely horrible." Linda Vegan, head spokeswoman of the CTWTWABGW, said in a press release. "Decomposing meat does have the possibility of releasing co2 into the atmosphere, so all beef must be eaten. However, if all beef is eaten, then meat packing companies will order and send out more beef. It's a never ending cycle of horror."

Currently, the CTWTWAGW is looking for a way around this conundrum. The Doom-and-Gloom Report will continue to keep you informed of further developments.



So, there it is. I tried to set it up like a newspaper story. I don't know why I wrote this, but I kinda like it. Yes, other than the fact that Gore and his cronies think cows cause global warming, I completely made this up. (Except the president. I didn't make him up.)

Well, there it is. I hope you enjoyed.

Story copyright 2009 to The All Real Numbers Symbol.